


I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

by Rulerofyouall



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Dark Sides As Family (Sanders Sides), Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Pre-Episode: Accepting Anxiety, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Social Anxiety, Suicidal Thoughts, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:49:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21554971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rulerofyouall/pseuds/Rulerofyouall
Summary: Virgil had always been sensitive. Roman had always thought he was the villain. After a while, verbal abuse can have a large impact on one's sense of self.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit Sanders
Comments: 16
Kudos: 184





	I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing!

"Get out of here, Anxiety!" Roman gestured dramatically at the side. "You aren't helping the creative process!" He seemed angry as if Virgil had sinned just by existing.

Thomas glanced at him for a short while, but he didn't offer anything in the anxious side's defense. Virgil didn't really expect him to anyway.

"It is true; Anxiety's presence is not conducive to Thomas's work." Logan adjusted his glasses and refused to meet Virgil's gaze.

Patton met it though. "Aren't we being a bit mean here? Anxiety hasn't done anything!"

"Yet." Roman interrupted. "We all know why he's here."

"I'm just here to tell you that this is a stupid idea." Virgil put on a strong face and glared back at the side. "Can't you think of anything better?"

Logan frowned. "How exactly is this a stupid idea? It's not fleshed out yet, but it does have potential."

"Do you realize how cringey this is? If you make it into a video, do you know how many subscribers you'd lose?" He put as much power behind his voice as he could. Usually, he didn't like to give Thomas much anxiety, but this was for his protection. He had to do this.

Thomas made a sound of distress, attracting Patton's gaze. "Umm, maybe we can think of something better?" He tried to compromise; he really did. The moral side wanted to include Anxiety more often. He seemed to have good ideas every now and then, but Roman was against it.

"What's wrong with my idea?" The creative side squawked. He was obviously offended and irritated by the other's presence.

"I already told you. It's stupid."

"Enough from you! You don't help anyone! You're just a disorder, Anxiety! Get out of here already; you aren't helping!"

Virgil rolled his eyes, ignoring the hurt inside. Was he really just a disorder? A malady? "Listen. I'm just doing my job. Thomas shouldn't do this. It's a terrible idea."

Logan tried to appear neutral, but he seemed to be getting heated as well. "Can you tell us why?"

"I don't know." He shrugged, not really knowing why. "It just feels off. Something bad is going to happen if Thomas does this. He'll lose subscribers. He'll get more hate." He knew it didn't make sense, but it wasn't his job to make sense.

Roman laughed at him for a little bit. "You can't even tell us why we shouldn't do this? This is ridiculous, Anxiety. You aren't helping. You never help!"

Virgil ignored the water building up in his eyes. He never got used to Princey's insults. "Fine. Just don't blame me when this turns out badly." He made a two finger salute and ducked out as fast as he could, ignoring the moral side's concerned stare.

His room was as dark as it was before he left it. His bed was unmade and messy, and his headphones were sitting on his side table. Sighing, he slid them over his ears. What if Roman was right? He wasn't a side like the rest of them; he was just a disorder. He shouldn't exist. He only hurt Thomas.

Biting his lip, he considered his options. He thought he was helpful to Thomas. He kept him out of trouble after all, but what if he was wrong? He didn't deserve a place in the mindscape. He shouldn't even exist.

He dug under his pillow to find his savior. He knew he shouldn't cut. Deceit had told him many times to stop, but he couldn't help himself. Roman was right. He was wrong. He was always wrong. Virgil remembered the distressed noises Thomas had made when he was making his points. Surely, he shouldn't be able to have that large of an impact on the host?

He ran the cool metal across his wrists once more, relishing in the release of tension and stress. Roman and the others seemed to think that he caused Thomas's anxiety maliciously, but did they not realize he had the same amount if not more attacks than the host?

The blood slowly started to drip down his arm when Virgil noticed the tears working their way down his face. When had he started to cry? It didn't matter. He didn't matter. He never did.

Maybe he should reach out to the others. Not Roman obviously, but Logan sometimes seemed to be on his side. Patton seemed to like him too, or maybe he should just return to Deceit and Remus in the dark side of the mindscape. They would help him. They always did.

**Author's Note:**

> Suggestions and comments are welcome and appreciated!


End file.
